Finished with an old notebook

I recently finished an old notebook that I've had since 2020.

For as long as I can remember, I've been writing. It started with the diaries I would keep as a child. I would write down who my latest crush was, what I was finding out about myself, what I wanted to say to my closest friends. Pen and paper were always my friend.

Finishing a notebook isn't new. I am constantly scribbling and writing down what my mind deems as important.

The feeling of finishing this book is tough. There have been major life activities between 2020 and now and it feels anticlimactic.

I feel a bit empty over it. I've lost and drifted away from so many friends. I've gotten laid off and restarted my life. I've kissed a lot of people. I got engaged. I've lived through a global pandemic.

The pages of this notebook don't tell these stories, but when I flip through, I feel like I'm looking at my younger self.

"Oh Caelin.." I think to myself. I feel my sadness in my art. Flipping through pages, notes from ex-friends fall out and force me to remember traumatizing events. I wonder how they are. I want to give myself a hug. Younger me thought I went through a lot, how about going through life alone in your early 20s. Life is hard.

I'm 29 in 2026. So much has come and gone since 2020.